Loss and The Decemberists

I'm going to find my feet as I write this, because I don't feel comfortable just delving into the story.

Love is an odd thing.

It's frustratingly complicated.

I have no answers for whatever is happening to my mind when the waves of love show their white crests.

I can't explain to you why I have done what I've done, nor chosen what I have.

I can simply tell you that it is what it is, and that I'm not even remotely sorry.

I'm not even remotely perfect.

No one is.

I have, however, been on one hell of an adventure.

I'm completely undone, pieces falling apart, raveling undone, and melting butter all over the sides of the world.

I am past people in this.

This is an internal thing that I can't even begin to give a name.

This is going to be one of the stories I tell my kids, if I ever have them.

I met Greg tonight.

Greg lost the love of his life two months ago...


...suddenly to a heart attack.


She was sitting in the family room, surrounded by family, and on her iPad, and passed.

That quickly.

He has been coping, and grieving, and I was told his story this evening by his daughter.

His wife loved the Decemberists. Her favorite album is The Crane Wife, and he has been trying to connect to her person by connecting to her music, the books she has read...

His enthusiasm this evening in finding the little bit of her that he did made a massive impact on me.

His daughter said she hasn't seen him smile in months.... that he hasn't left the house in months.

He found his love again this evening. She may not be here physically, but he has her in every bit of him. He lived in every song in a way that I never have. He loved her music because he loved her, and he never asked for anything but her in the process.

It was incredible watching the concert tonight simply because of how he did. It made me feel uneducated in how I perceived the music. I felt so one-dimensional... like I lost the potential in the song... because I had never been in his situation, nor near it.



...I am terrified that the person I love would die so suddenly like that.

I am scared that their spark of life will one day no longer exist.

It stuns me.

I have always, and will continue to hope, that I will find, and have an opportunity to enjoy a love like that in my life.

That I will never lose my partner.

But, holy hell, tonight.

What a story.

I hope we continue telling each other these stories. Because I fear that we'd all be broken without them.

...That we'd all settle and become complacent.

...That we'd forget that we don't have to feel so alone.